Body talk

William and I are having one of those bizarre body conversations this morning, which started when I was trying to get out of the shower and get dressed in some relative privacy, because really explaining tampons is not a subject I feel like discussing this morning.

Mommy: “William, is Arthur still on?”
William: “I think so.” (disappears briefly, then reenters from stage-right) “Mommy, can I wear Laura’s boots?”
Mommy: “Ok, but just since Laura’s not home.” (brief zipping ensues)
William: (stomps off. Returns a minute later) “Mommy, the poops need to come out, and you will say, ‘Oh my goodness!’”
Mommy: “Ok, let’s take off those boots and go to the potty, then!”
William: “Why do I have to take off the boots?”
Mommy: “Because you can’t sit down with them on.”
William: (pooping) “Mommy, why don’t you have a penis?”
Mommy: “Because boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.”
William: “Why do girls have vaginas?”
Mommy: “So that when they grow up and want to have a baby in their tummies, the baby will have a way to come out.”
William: “The poops want to stay in their house now!”
Mommy: “OK, let’s wipe. Do you think Arthur’s still on?”
William: (brief departure to check on television status) “Mommy, we don’t have a fancy house.”

I am already exhausted, and I am still not even fully dressed.