The fear of GOD

Chris gave his big Teacher of the Year speech at the baccalaureate for the seniors at First Baptist Sunday. It was very hard to describe—hilarious and bizarre, typical Chris. He kinda got the giggles at the beginning, which is what happens when he gets nervous, he told everybody. Laughing like that is contagious, so he had everybody laughing even before he got started speaking. But I thought it seemed very composed and deliberate nervous laughter (whether it was or not).

His basic premise seemed to be to reflecting on teaching high school—so he talked about teaching seniors in the spring (when their brains become mush) and the daily life of school (what happens when the air conditioning breaks in A Building). His observations, always interesting, verged at times on . . . well, perhaps a little too interesting. The principal certainly seemed a little nervous at times about what his “loose cannon” might say. Throughout the speech, Laura would periodically lean over to me and say, “Mama, Daddy is crazy!” Here’s one of my favorite crazy parts, a maintenance request for

…a mounted camera / laser system. This system would be mounted in all the hallways and be able to automatically detect instances of obscenity in the hallways, pinpointing the offender(s), and shooting a small beam of electric energy that stings but not permanently damages the offender. Also known as a Guided Obscenity Dectector, or GOD for short, these devices could significantly reduce common hallway problems that are difficult to enforce. Once kids had the fear of GOD in them, then things would certainly change.

He carried it off, and even the assistant principal who was sitting behind us was laughing. I personally am a big chicken, but clearly my husband is not. No question that Chris definitely upstaged the other speakers, and a big group of the seniors gave him a standing ovation, so on the whole I think it was a success. I know I’m proud of him—but I’m also glad he’s not making any more big speeches anytime soon!